This post is for the empty, the broken and apathetic. Those who are tired and don’t feel like fighting anymore. Those who don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel and can’t even get themselves out of bed in the morning.
I feel like I can write to you because I am you. In my last post, I talked about being transparent, and I fully intend to be just that with you, the reader. So here it goes.
In the past year, I have gotten low. I was stressed, anxious and not exactly the nicest version of myself. I lost all motivation in life, and I couldn’t see a vision for my future. Quite frankly, I wanted to give up.
But I wore a convincing mask so no one could see what was really going on inside. Little by little I started to crumble until I fell apart. I was overwhelmed with school, my jobs and the people around me.
Everyone wanted too much from me, but there was nothing left to give.
So I shut down.
I had all but forgotten about God. My prayers were quick and mostly thanking him for my meals. My devotions were basically nonexistent. I felt so distant from him, and it hurt.
Oddly enough, it wasn’t bad circumstances that landed me in that spot – it was good circumstances. Life was starting to go good for me. I was succeeding in nearly everything I was trying, and that was the problem for me. I was beginning to depend on myself. I was accomplishing all of these things so why did I need God? It was almost as if I was searching for meaning and purpose in my success.
It was in succeeding that I realized I had left him behind. That’s why I was empty, searching and lonely. I sacrificed my relationship not only with God but with my family and friends, and it wasn’t worth it.
God didn’t test me with sorrow or pain or loss. He tested me with success, and I failed.
I still don’t feel completely full again. I sacrificed that to get ahead, and it’s going to take some time to get that back.
Maybe you’re in the same spot as me. You feel empty. You have absolutely no motivation. You’re at a crossroads, and you’re too tired to go down either road.
I am by no means an expert, but if you are in the same position as I was/am, feel free to email or Facebook me. I’m here to talk and help in any way I can. I won’t preach at you, and I certainly won’t look down on you.
Being in the valley isn’t so bad. It may not be fun, but remember that God can teach you certain things in the valleys that he can’t teach you on the mountaintops.
It’s not easy getting back up to the mountaintop. I am having to fight. You’ll have to fight, but you will come out on the other end.